Humor
Convict
A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news. So not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife’s house. When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed, […]
Amish
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture. The Amish man said, “No.” “Legally, that paper says we can.” replied the worker. As he turned and left […]
Marriage
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, “Do you take this man to be your husband.” And she said, “I do.” Then the […]
Gardening
“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?” Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
Virus
Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a virus. One evening my brother came home exhausted from a long day at work. “Did you read the paper?” he asked. “I’m not going in to work tomorrow. I’m calling in fat.”
John the Baptist
An old Southern song called “You’ve Got to Walk that Lonesome Valley”, has a verse : John the Baptists was a preacher. Some folks say he was a Jew. Some folks say he was a Christian. But he was a Baptist too! (No extra points for guessing which denomination wrote that!)
Did You Know?
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you passed wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like […]
The Angel Said
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves didn’t produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa […]
Prison Sentence
Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn’t worried at all about serving his full term. The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early. Jimmy replied, “Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time […]
Inferior Bags
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. “They just don’t make these bags like they used to,” the clerk blurted to the […]
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