Humor
Kids’ Kitchen Terms
BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic “Yuck” before a food is even tasted. CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together. DESSERT: The reason for eating a meal. EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes. FRUIT: […]
Teachers and students
Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?” Pupil : “The moon”. Teacher : “Why?” Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”. Teacher : “What do you call […]
Kids Talk
*Children’s Attempts at Hymns* *Children’s Attempts at Singing Well Known Hymns* Sometimes kids get things a little……well, maybe these came from kids: Give us this day our deli bread! Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Whole East Coast. We shall come to Joyce’s, bringing in the cheese. Gladly, the […]
For Valentine’s Day
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses […]
Signs of the Times
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS. In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEPLADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING […]
Hell is Unfair
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman. “That’s unfair!” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend […]
Two Irish Friends
Two Irish Friends Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers. So, Thomas O’Ryan said to Liam Halloren, “Liam, me buddy, me ol’ pal. When I die would you please pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?” Liam said, “Why certainly, but could I Drink ’em first?”
Australian summer
You know you’re in an Australian Summer when: 1.The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance. 2.Hot water comes out of both taps. 3.You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. 4.The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly. 5.You discover that in February […]
Mother
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my […]
After Christmas Lament
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste As the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than […]
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