Humor
Never Trust an Old Lady
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago […]
Out Of Step
As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: “Do you know they are all out of step except you?” “What?” asked the recruit innocently. “I said — they are all out […]
One Interest
A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class. The little girl was quite indignant. “No, daddy, I don’t like him!” she stated. “He’s only interested in one thing.” Shocked, the daddy cautiously asked what that one thing might be. “Power Rangers, of course,” said the toddler.
And still more Definitions
Inturnet Access – the queue to get logged on Outlook Excess – Too many emails Emale access – online dating Internet Exploder – Too many pop-ups !! Microsoft Ward – Room full of RSI patients computer- electronic device – designed to speed up and automate the error making process in humans. (Headline: COMPUTER CONTINUES ITS […]
Truthful Gossip
Told to me by my mate, Jimmy “Truthful” Jones, at the Bayview Hotel in Melbourne (September 2003). “Did ya hear tha’ bloody education department’s gonna fix a noo speed limit for schools?” “No Jimmy, ol’ son, hadn’t heard that, what will it be?” “Forty milligrams” (Kim Thoday, Hewett Community Church of Christ, South Australia) http://www.hewett.org.au
And still more Definitions
Binformation: The sort of “useful” literature that comes through the letterbox, straight into the bin. Documelt: An OHP slide left on the projector far too long. Floorescent: The ground at Pripyat, Ukraine.
Communicating
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette goes to a large ranch out in […]
Definitions – more
Deafinition – The unheard meaning of a word. Filth – a dirty guy with a lisp who can’t count properly above fourf Unherd – To quietly remove cattle.
More Definitions
19. A Freudian slip – when you say one thing but mean your mother. 20. Gustronome – someone who appreciates baked beans.
Get Well Soon
A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to […]
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