Humor
Children’s Questions
A Nun asked her class to write notes to God. Here are some they handed in: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear God: I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You […]
Answering Machine Messages
1. “Hi! Now you say something.” 2. “Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.” 3. “Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, a […]
The Shape I Am In!
There’s nothing really wrong with me – I’m just as healthy as can be… I have arthritis in both knees, And when I talk, it’s with a wheeze… My pulse is weak, my blood is thin, But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in! All my teeth have had to come out, And my […]
Sayings
He who laughs last, thinks slowest A day without sunshine is like, well, night Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it […]
Children’s Answers
These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. ******** Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.. ******** Q: […]
The Monk
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall […]
Vet Visit
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a Veterinary Clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the Vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but Polly has passed away.” The distressed owner wailed, […]
Hospital Humour
A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to […]
Description Of An Electric Monk
High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse…..The Electric Monk was a labor-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking […]
10 Cat Stress Busters
From Cat Fancy (May 1999 Issue) TAKE MORE NAPS. A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine reveals most adults suffer from chronic sleep deprivation. We humans live our lives in a hamster wheel of activity, says Marty Becker, DVM, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Pet Lovers Soul (Health Communications Inc., 1998). […]
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