Humor
Some Nonsense
Two little goys had two little toys. Each had a wooden cross . . . . (After Rolf Harris) . . . . and if he’d used those words instead, everybody *would* have been after Rolf harris! “Where is Timbuktu?” Three miles North of Timbukone and about seven miles South of Timbukthree. Or . . […]
Court-Room Questions
Actual Questions Asked in Court Rooms… “How many time have you committed suicide?” “Were you alone or by yourself?” “How far apart were the cars when the collision occurred?” “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” “Were you present when […]
Squirrels
A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem. The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to […]
Getting Old
*When Aging Reality Sets In* 1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 2. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker. 3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 4. Some […]
Softball Equipment
As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. “Look, honey,” one […]
If You Love Something
*If You Love Something Variations* THE ORIGINAL VERSION: If you love something, Set it free… If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was yours…. THE PESSIMIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free … If she ever comes back, she’s yours, If she doesn’t, well, as expected, she never was. […]
Mother Said
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m […]
Stationery Store
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card. The clerk replied, “We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?” The man said, “You don’t understand. I need a card that covers *both* events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my […]
If You Love Something (More)
*If You Love Something Variations* [Any others?] THE RED NECK VERSION If you love something, Set it free… If it doesn’t come back, Hunt it down and kill it!
Doonesbury
I thought at this time, we needed a bit of sanity – and in such circumstances there is only one way to get it: DOONESBURY. So just in case your not reading The Australian everyday – just click here for the daily dose. http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.cfm?uc_full_date030326&uc _daction=X
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