Humor
Career Cooling
Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified to fall into a new area outside of the I/S staff. One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two […]
The Medical
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes […]
A Great Job
A guy came home to his wife and said, “Guess what? I’ve found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!” “That’s great,” his wife said. “Yeah, I thought so too,” he agreed. “You start Monday.”
Avoid Death
Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all accidents involve these […]
Sermons
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members,” explained the minister. “I know,” said the […]
Second Coming?
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, whats the problem?” The mother says, “Its my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, shes putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, “Well,I dont […]
The World’s Easiest Quiz!
For all of you who will never make it to “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” or even “The Weakest Link” here’s The World’s Easiest Quiz! (Scroll down to find the answers — don’t cheat!) 1. How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2. In which country are Panama hats made? 3. From which […]
Female Warriors
Dear President Bush & Mr. Howard, Take all Australian women who are within five years of menopause – train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate & canned tuna – drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan & let us do […]
Delivery Problems
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car […]
Signs Found In The Kitchen
So this isn’t Home Sweet Home … Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it! I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can […]
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