Humor
Parenthood
If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. […]
Heaven
Once God appeared before a couple and offered to take one of them to heaven. The husband graciously told God to take his wife. His wife was very moved by his generosity. Then God asked him why he offered his wife instead of himself to which he replied, “God! If you take my wife that […]
Glossary Of Medical Terms
Artery The study of painting Bacteria Back door to cafeteria Barium What you do with dead bodies Benign After you be 8 years old Bowel A letter like A.E.I.O.U. Caesarean Section A district in Rome Cat Scan Searching for kitty Cauterise Made eye contact with her Colic A sheep dog Coma Punctuation mark Congenital Friendly […]
Funeral Music
At our local crematorium families are given the chance to chose the music CD they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley’s hit, “Love me Tender.” Well the day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the […]
Children And Politicians
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election. “More on candidates at 10 P.M.,” he said. My ten-year-old granddaughter Ashley looked at me in disbelief. “I didn’t know they could call politicians ‘morons’ on national television!” she remarked.
Good News
Ever notice how a 4 year old’s voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently […]
Old Age
At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.” “I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at […]
Good News (More)
… running shouting, “Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news!” As I waved back, I said loudly, “What’s the good news?” “Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!” Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as … Response: What a coincidence. This is actually one of my younger memories, but slightly different […]
Homework
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy: Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner: 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. […]
Praying To God
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION… I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…” His older […]
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