Humor
In The Beginning
Even Adam and Eve had their problems: One day Adam got angry. “You’ve done it again, Eve,” said Adam. “This is the second time this week you’ve put my shirt in the salad.” Adam may have had his troubles, but at least he didn’t have to listen to Eve talk about the man she could […]
Does He Jump?
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The redhead turns to […]
Running A Red Light
“Your Honor, I didn’t run the red light. It was green, and it looked red to the officer only because of the ‘red shift’ (in physics and astronomy)”. So, the judge fined the driver for speeding at a rate of, or near 386,000 miles per second.
Trying To Understand Men
Message For the Ladies: 1.. The nice men are ugly. 2.. The handsome men are not nice. 3.. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4.. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5.. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6.. The men who are not […]
More Things Not To Say To A Police Officer
My first job was stacking shelves at Tesco, and I worked the swing shift finishing at 2am. One night there was a little accident and a stack of boxes of whisky fell on top of me. I wasn’t hurt, but I was soaked in the stuff. Driving home (at precisely the right time for night […]
First Things First
A fire started in some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was […]
Great Meal
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?” He thought this was a great strategy, […]
Warning Labels
Here are the top five winning entries in this year’s Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” On a public toilet: “Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.” “Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection […]
Surgery
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the side waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor! Please come here […]
Things Not To Say To A Police Officer
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3.Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I […]
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