Humor
Hospital Visit
Tony Blair, is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He greets the first patient and the patient replies: “Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ the puddin race, Aboon them a you take your place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As […]
Ski Trip
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.”I realize it’s terrible weather […]
How Many In A Car?
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: “It’sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro.” “Vot do you mean it’z illegal?” asks the German driver. “Quattro meansa four” replies the Italian official. “Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile”, the […]
Unknown Reindeer
The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question – worth 500 points! “To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s reindeer.” The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such […]
War Story
Here’s one my Grandad told me. It was during the 2nd world war, and he was with the allied forces in Europe,when he heard that a member of the French aristocracy, Count Jacque de Ladde, had been arrested by the Germans, who suspected him of being one of the top people in the resistance movement. […]
Curing A Cold
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good, either. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take […]
Why A Man Can’t Win
a.. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. b.. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy. c.. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. d.. If you don’t work enough, you’re a […]
Curiosity
A man was walking down the street when, from the other side of a large fence, he heard people chanting “Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen…” over and over. The man was, of course, curious, and tried to look over the top of the fence, but it was too high. However, he found a knot in the wood […]
Driving Home
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?””Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the […]
Burglar
A burglar broke into a house one night after the occupants had left. He’d barely started ransacking the place when a voice said, “I can see you and so can Jesus.” The burglar froze where he saw, looked around, then continued. Again the strange voice said, I can see you and so can Jesus.” The […]
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