Humor
Scrooge Lawyer
A penny-pinching old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to […]
Maintenance
Here are some (reputedly) actual “Red Card’ items (maintenance complaints) submitted by US Air Force pilots and the signoffs from the maintenance crews. Problem: ‘Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.’ Solution: ‘Evidence removed.’ Problem: ‘Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.’ Solution: ‘Almost replaced left inside main tyre.’ Problem: ‘Test flight OK, […]
How Kids Hear Xmas Carols
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites: * Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly * We three kings of porridge and tar * On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me * Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream […]
The Number Of The Beast
666 – Number of the beast 668 – Neighbor of the beast 660 – Approximate number of the Beast DCLXVI – Roman numeral of the Beast 666.0000 – Number of the High Precision Beast 0.666 – Number of the Millibeast 1/666 – Common Denominator of the Beast 666[-/(-1)] – Imaginary number of the Beast 1010011010 […]
Why God Never Received Tenure
He had only one major publication. It was in Hebrew. It had no references. It wasn’t published in a refereed journal. Some even doubt that he wrote it himself. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. The scientific community […]
More Numbers Of The Beast
666.66 = Dewey decimal number for library books about the Beast. 111 = Beast’s wife when he married her 888 = Beast’s wife now. 222 = The number of THE DUCK.
On Time
BBC news reports today that an Arriva Northern train from York to Scarborough arrived on time. Astonished management officials said that they could not understand how this had happened. A spokesman for the company gave the following statement: “We are completely baffled by this. We have a well planned programme of strikes, leaf mulch on […]
Names
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all their names.” “This one is my oldest–he’s Leroy.” “OK, and who’s next?” “Well, this one’s Leroy, also.” The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she […]
What Every Woman Wants
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.” The man says “Great. I always dreamed of this and […]
And Still More Oxymorons
Near miss new and improved US intelligence US culture french logic Microsoft Works Life Insurance (What exactly are we insuring against here? :^)
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