Humor
O x y m o r o n s
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something […]
UNIVERSAL LAWS :-)
1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional […]
Pastor’s (sad) humor
The pastor said to Mr. Smith, one of his long-time parishioners, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for attending our church. I wish I had twenty parishioners like you.” “Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, Pastor, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith. “You know that I complain about every sermon and hardly ever give any money.” […]
Senior Health Care Solution
So you’re a senior citizen and the government says no health care or pension for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 MP ¢â‚¬â„¢s and 2 Senior Government Officials. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison […]
An Idea for your Church’s Orchestra & Choir
Opera Company Of Philadelphia – Speakers On On Saturday, April 24th (2010), over 30 members of the Opera Company of Philadelphia Chorus and principal cast members from their upcoming production of La Traviata converged on the Reading Terminal Market Italian Festival in Philly. Wearing street clothes and blending in with the crowd, the artists swung […]
The Giraffe Test
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2 . […]
Catholic tricks :-)
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse – a very long shot – won the […]
ARE YOU GIVING GOD A GOOD GIGGLE?
If the capacity for fun is God given, one can only wonder what tickles God’s sense of humour. If mortals can see the amusing side to difficult situations, it is a safe bet that God is wonderfully able to do the same. Surely heaven must rock with the laughter of God as He ponders the […]
HOLY HUMOUR
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, ‘I know what the Bible means!’ His father smiled and replied, ‘What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means? The son replied, ‘I do know!’ ‘Okay,’ said his father. ‘What does the Bible mean?’ ‘That’s easy, Daddy…’ the young boy replied […]
What’s not in the Bible
Posted on to Facebook: FAVORITE CHRISTIAN SLOGANS: Liberals: ‘God is love’ (only once in the Bible); Fundamentalists: ‘Receive Jesus as your personal savior’ (not in the Bible); ‘the Kingdom’ (Gospels, but not epistles); ‘Jesus is God’ (not in the NT); Jesus: ‘I am God’ (nowhere); ‘Sin= pride’ (male theologians; females/feminists: ‘sin=passivity’). Any other provocations? From […]
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