Humor
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when this attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and […]
Get The Message!
When the power mower was broken & wouldn’t run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sunk in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, […]
Food To Watch
A dietician was addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term […]
Zen Thoughts For The Day
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the […]
Pastors’ Good News / Bad News
*Pastors’ Good News/Bad News* Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way […]
Ever Wonder?
1. Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 2. Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? 3. Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? 4. Why is “abbreviated” such a long word? 5. Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”? 6. Why is […]
Learned
I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings “Silent Night”. Age 5 I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7 I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9 I’ve learned […]
Stop, Before Its Too Late!
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more […]
Taking The Bible Literally
Ninure wrote (on another newsgroup): Since “bible-literalist christians” like yourself claim that the Bible is to be taken literally when it comes to homosexuality, I challenge you (and them) to take the words of Jesus literally and obey HIM!!! Jesus said sell all your poscession bible literalists, when will you do so? Luke 14:33 In […]
Bigamy
P.S. What’s the maximum penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law! Did you know that mother-in-law is an anagram of woman hitler?
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