Humor
The Odds
Odds are you’ll die somehow. For U.S. residents, here are some ways, and some odds the experts have applied to them: Car Crash: 1-in-100 Electrocution: 1-in-5,000 Asteroid Impact: 1-in-20,000 Plane Crash: 1-in-20,000 Tornado: 1-in-60,000 Bite or Sting: 1-in-100,000 SOURCE: Chapman & Morrison, Nature, 1994
The Odds – And Asteroids
[Follow-up from a list-member on The Odds item] The odds for an asteroid impact are balanced by the fact that a comparatively *rare* event brings death to a very *large* number of people. By the simple laws of physics, any asteroid or comet of one kilometre or greater size travelling at 70 km per second […]
Honesty
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a […]
A Lesson To Be Learnt
A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school. One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the […]
Redneck Baptist
A redneck walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Budweiser and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a mug goes […]
Business Signs
Signs on business that are humorous! Sign over a gynaecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” At a military hospital-door to colonoscopy: “To expedite your visit, please back in.” On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.” On the trucks of a local plumbing company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” […]
Blessings
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He finished with the Latin phrase, “Tuti Hominous” – Blessed be mankind. A women’s rights group approached the Pope the next day. They commented that the Pope blessed all mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Tuti Hominous et tuti […]
The Test
A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions. The […]
Job Delegation
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.” To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.” And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.” He […]
Busy Doctors
One fella walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. “Shingles,” he said. So she took down his name, address and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aid came out and asked him what he had. “Shingles,” he said. So she […]
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