Humor
Redneck Friends
A couple of Rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. Panic-stricken, he says to the operator, “I think Cletus is dead! […]
Wisdom Of Mothers
MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:”If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!” MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of that carpet!” MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL “If you don’t straighten up, I’ll knock you into next week!” MOM TAUGHT […]
Another Dilbert Quote
Here’s another genuine one: (on the phone to client) “I can’t find it, I fear it may have been filed…” It was a fair comment on our filing system of the time. It was an open office, and when the poor guy looked around at the half-dozen shocked and silent faces (including mine) staring at […]
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? A blonde named Pam is appearing on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” with Regis Philbin. Regis: “Pam, you’re up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop […]
Children Are So Cute
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]
What Men Understand About Women
Interpret it how you like and then follow the instructions. ****************************** TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Just smile and pass it on!
Pearly Gates
Long lines of people were waiting at the Pearly Gates to have their credentials checked before gaining admittance. St Peter was supervising. Two old priests were standing near the head of one line when St Peter suddenly rushed towards the back and brought an attractive blonde to the front. There was no checking anything, she […]
The Artist
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy. “Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked. “You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven.
Classes For Men
TOPIC 1 – HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS. STEP BY STEP, WITH SLIDE PRESENTATION. TOPIC 2 – THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION. TOPIC 3 – IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY […]
Quotes From Insurance Forms
*Quotes From Insurance Forms* “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.” “I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.” Q: Could either driver have done anything to […]
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