Humor
The Big Election
Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final […]
Self-Preservation
A citizen was brought before the sawed-off king (in the comic-strip, The Wizard of Id), and charged with speeding through a school zone. Asked why he had sped through the school zone, the citizen replied, ‘A Natural Instinct for Self-Preservation’.
Texas
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and starts talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”. Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off […]
Teacher Jokes
The teacher asked, ” Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” “Well,” one alert pupil answered, “the days are much longer in summer.” The kindergarten teacher was standing outside her room as the children entered one morning. Along came little David, deliberately winking his left eye. […]
Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her commandment to ‘honor thy father and thy mother’, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
School Jokes
Q: Are you in the top half of your class? A: No, I’m one of the students who make the top half possible! Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon? Pupil: The horse will draw it! Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class? Pupil: My mother […]
Two By Fours
A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One goober walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” […]
Gifts For Teacher
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the […]
Gifts For Mother
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said,” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got […]
Short Teacher Jokes
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.” The teacher brings a statue of Venus […]
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