Humor
Complete These Proverbs
[From a friend’s high school assignment] The following are cliches we’ve all heard. Test your vocabulary please. 1. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovated maneuvers. Answer. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks. 2. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroids minified. Answer Twinkle, twinkle little star. More: [See below for answers] 3. […]
Down And Out
A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. “Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?” The well-dressed gentleman responds, “You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?” “No, sir, I don’t drink,” retorts the bum. “You are not going […]
Instant Ordination
Hurry! Or you might miss out!!! STREET BISHOPS, a U.S. based international ministry, has the authority to ORDAIN you immediately. STREET BISHOPS believes that ordination should be given to all who ask. One of the benefits of being a LEGAL member of the clergy is that you will be authorized to perform the rites and […]
Coronary Surgery
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” the nun said while patting his hand. “We do have to […]
Martha’s Way
Martha’s way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women’s Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha’s way #2: […]
Cinderella
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said “Fairy Godmother, what are you […]
Complete These Proverbs
Hi Rowland, A recently posted article on the JMM website (http://jmm.org.au/articles/7107.htm) urges browsers to “Complete these proverbs.” Since I was not preaching on Sunday night, I printed the list and spent a few engrossing minutes working through them (during my associate pastor’s memorable repeat sermon on the Good Samaritan). Like the priest in Luke’s story, […]
Security
Michael Moore: “You seem like a very sensitive man – you got married on Valentine’s Day. Don’t you think you’re in the wrong job, being Secretary of Defense?” Secretary William Cohen: “Not at all. The preservation of the nation’s security is the most important thing. We couldn’t write poetry if we didn’t have a secure […]
Sunday School Humour
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.” ********************************* A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as […]
Death
The court jester was overcome with grief. His world was at an end! For a long time he had served the Caliph at Baghdad and his court, keeping them amused whenever they called upon him. But in a moment of thoughtlessness he had displeased his ruler who had ordered that he be put to death. […]
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