Humor
Antonyms
At the orientation class for first-year psychiatry students at a Houston university, the lecturer had invited them to volunteer antonyms of the human experiences that he would list for them; and everything was progressing so well…. “Fear!” “Courage!” “Grief!” “Happiness!” “Elation!” “Depression!” “Woe!” Silence, until one student piped up: “Sir, Ah do believe that would […]
Logic and Eternal Happiness
Which is better, eternal happiness or a ham sandwich? It would appear that eternal happiness is better, but this is really not so! After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and a ham sandwich is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness. Cynic’s response: # Well, it could […]
Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a […]
Gnome
A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. “What are you?” asks the cat. “A gnome,” comes the reply. “I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are […]
Deja Vu
You’ve probably heard of “deja vu,” the sensation of having previously experienced something that is happening now. Here are some related expressions. If you feel like you’ve previously… …milked this cow: deja moo …seen this strange animal: deja gnu …smelled this bad odor: deja phew …visited this menagerie: deja zoo …scared this person away: deja […]
Exercise
After I put a cartoon on Facebook where the doctor says ‘Pulling the handle on the reclining chair does not qualify as exercise…’ I got this: Randy Glasbergen has a great touch in his many cartoons on health & well-being. I particularly like a similar one where the doc says to the patient – “TO […]
Oops
A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, […]
Ain’t old age fun?
Bert decided to buy himself a new car for his 89th birthday. His friend, Harry, was unhappy with this decision, because Bert was becoming forgetful. But he agreed to ride with Bert to the dealer to pick up the new car. Bert started the motor and raced down the street. He drove through the stop […]
Paddy from Ireland
Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said: ‘Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair’. Paddy says to his pal “Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose […]
Reunion
The Reunion !! A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once […]
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