Humor
Creation Duel
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. And God said, “Let the earth […]
The Preacher’s Lament
This is what your Pastor really thinks… . If I express myself on a subject, I’m trying to run things. . If I’m silent, I’m dumb or have lost interest. . If I’m often at my office (preparing sermons or studying), why don’t I get out and learn what’s going on. . If I’m out […]
The Gift Of Life
On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, “Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a life span of 50 years.” The cow objected, […]
Two Therapists
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. […]
Keys For Business Success
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, […]
Philosophy
The Top 10 Philosophy Questions of All Time… Answered! 10. How do I know anything really exists? -Kick it *really* hard. 9. What is the essence of being human? -Not understanding the opposite sex. 8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? […]
Kitchen Signs
SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS 1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it! 2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!! 3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too! 4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust! 5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself! 6. I clean house every […]
Contemporary Version Of 1 Corinthians 13
A Contemporary Version Of 1 Corinthians 13 (What might Paul have said in 2001?) If I speak with the confidence of Rush Limbaugh and sing with the ease of Celine Dion but don’t have love, my words are like scraping fingernails on a frozen windshield. If I can program NASA’s mainframe computer and outsmart my […]
Eating Missionaries
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.” The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do […]
Tomatoes
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors; sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I […]
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