Church Bulletin Blunders

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.” Miss Charlene Mason sang “I […]

Quotes From Erma Bombeck

Spend at least one Mother’s Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him. My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Making coffee […]

Memo From God

MEMO FROM GOD: Reference: LIFE I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to […]

Homework

A father was scolding his young son for not doing his homework. “If I had a computer, it would be so much easier,” said the son. “You don’t need a computer,” replied the father. “When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he studied by candlelight in a log cabin.” “And when he was your age,” the […]

Things You Don’t Want To Hear In Surgery

1. Someone call the janitor – we’re gonna need a mop. 2. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! 3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that? 4. Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingy. 5. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. 6. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this […]

Teenage Phone Call…

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. “Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?” “Wrong number,” replied the girl.

Giving

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. “Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself,” she told the girl. When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which […]

Leaf From The Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. “Momma, look […]

Families

A man and his wife were arguing about family members. “It’s just not right”, the wife said. “You don’t like anybody in my family!” “That’s not true,” replied the husband. “I like your mother-in-law much better than my mother-in-law.”

Medicating Your Cat/Dog