Humor
Drunk Darts Player
A very drunk man went into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender served him and asked if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize; only a dollar for three darts. The drunk agreed and threw the first dart. A bullseye!! He downed […]
Hello?
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is […]
Quick Thinking
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. […]
Mum
A son calls his mother. Mom how are you. Mom replies. Not too good. I haven’t eaten in 38 days. Replying with concern, the son asks "what’s the matter mom, are you not feeling well, have you been to the doctor?" Mom replies, not that, "I didn’t want to have my mouth full of food […]
Valentine’s Day
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?" "You’ll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find […]
Good Shot
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball already!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the […]
Quite In Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"
Help
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down […]
How Many Dollars?
Teacher: If you have two dollars, and you ask your father for four dollars, how much will you have? Student: Two dollars. Teacher: You don’t know your math. Student: You don’t know my father.
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she stated, "I’d like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control […]
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