Humor
What Men Really Mean
"I’m going fishing." Really means… "I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let’s take your car." Really means…."Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas." "Woman driver." Really means…."Someone who doesn’t […]
The Gambler
A woman was in a gambling casino for the first time. Standing at the roulette wheel she says, "I have no idea what number to play." A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 32. The wheel is spun, and 41 comes up. […]
Mary Poppins
Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam," he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all […]
Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 5. Survivor os Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies In House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is […]
It’s In The Bible!
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination; he looked at the old pages as he turned them. The Bible had belonged to his grandmother. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been […]
Millenium Bugs
It seems that computer programs are full of "bugs," so named because that’s what many software engineers look like. And, the worst bug is the Y2K, which, if left unaddressed, could result in the following calamities: Bill Clinton might be constitutionally eligible to run for a third term. Chevy might bring back the Vega. Airlines […]
Today’s Little Axioms
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost […]
Baseball In Heaven
Bill & John played & lived Baseball from their little league days until– they would attend high school, college & world series games, if there was a ball game around they were there. The 2 of ’em made a pact — which ever one died first would return & let the other know if there […]
Why God Created Eve
TOP TEN REASONS G-D CREATED EVE 10. G-d worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions. 9. G-d knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don’t want to see what’s ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE […]
Valentine’s Day
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes […]
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