Humor
If I Died…
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?" "After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship." "If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?" "We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the waywe want it. […]
If You Love Something
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, It will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to […]
Mexican Bungee
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, […]
Rules For Cats Who Have A House To Run.
I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered […]
Computers
A pastor of a church had previously been a sailor. He was very aware that ships are addresses as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two group of computer experts. The first group was composed of women, and the second of men. […]
More Ways To Annoy People
At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially […]
You And Your Computer
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when…. 1. You wake up at 4 O’clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed. 2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you […]
Problem Child
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquillisers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquillisers calmed you down?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she […]
Driving Joke For The Day
Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of yourheart (Psalm 37:4) ********* "I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone." – Steven Wright ~~~ And we wonder where road-rage comes from? ~~~ Fun Things […]
Elderly Joke For The Day
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin…) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman […]
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