Humor
Capitalist Beatitudes
Christians believe the Bible is a resource for all ages. However a few Churches in Columbia Maryland have updated “The Beatitudes”… originally presented at the “Sermon on the Mount” (Matthew 5: 1-11) * Blessed are the poor in spirit, they are rife consumers for all manner of inspirational products and fair game for the tele-evangelists/marketers […]
Bible Humour
1. Who was the greatest financer in the Bible? A. Noah-he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. 2. Who was the greatest female financer in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter-she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. 3. What kind of man was Boaz […]
Noah’s Ark
Everything I really need to know I learned from Noah’s Ark: 1. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark. 2. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something Really big. 3. Don’t listen to critics. Do what has to be done. 4. Build on the high […]
Learn Chinese!
English phrase Chinese Interpretation Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man Dum Gai Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni Your price is too high!! No Bai Dam Ting!! Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan? I bumped into a coffee table Ai […]
Catholic Service
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest: “Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?” Father Patrick replied, […]
More Church Bulletin Bloopers
1. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11 2. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. 3. Eight new black choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones. 4. […]
Mother’s Pride And Joy 8-)
A mother was preparing pancakes for her son Kevin, and his younger brother Ryan. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake (because they’re boys), and the mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. She taught them, “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the […]
The Politician And The Butter
Senator Bill Bradley of New Jersey is in a restaurant and the waiter brings over the rolls, but no butter. “May I have some butter, please?” The waiter gives a slight nod and wanders off. Ten minutes later, still no butter. Bradley catches his eye. “May I have some butter, Please?” Still the vaguest of […]
Kids’ Wisdom
These are Responses from Kids when asked for some good Advice!!!! Never trust a dog to watch your food. -Patrick, Age 10 When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. -Matthew, Age 12 Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. -Andrew, Age 9 Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. -Rocky, […]
Irish Story
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. “For Heavens SAKES, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!! At […]
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