Humor
Squeezing The Lemon
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]
Bus In The Ditch
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next […]
Ballad Of The Y2k
(sing to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island”) Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date Two digits for a date RAM memory was smaller then; Hard drives were tiny, too. “Four digits are extravagent, So let’s get […]
Dumb Laws
TIP: ONE MORE SANDWICH AND I’M MAKING A CITIZEN’S ARREST February 8th, 1999 In Russell, Kansas (Bob Dole’s hometown!), musical car horns are banned. In the state of Connecticut, “in order for a pickle to be officially considered a pickle, it must bounce.” And throughout Massachusetts, “mourners at a wake may not eat more than […]
Ytok Problems
Don’t you just know some people like this. I hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, none of this “Y” to “K” problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go […]
Sayings…
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? I was thinking that women […]
A Women’s Perspective
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, […]
Stinky Notebook
The following is a true story, reported by Bill Stebbins In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook. Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer’s site to our service center, a ‘sloshing’ noise was heard within the machine. “Has anything been […]
The Preacher And His Song-Leader
There was a church where the preacher and the song leader were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over into the worship service. The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The song leader lead the song “I […]
Jesus Is Watching You :-)!
A burglar got into a house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, “Jesus is watching you.” This time, he shone his light all over, and it […]
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