Humor
Hymns: Now Be Honest!
Take My Life and Let Me Be. It is My Secret What God Can Do. When the Saints Go Sneaking In. My Hope is Built on Nothing Much. I am Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Liveth. Lord Keep Me Loosely Connected to Your Word. OH, How I Like Jesus. All Hail The Influence of Jesus’ […]
Guide To Cows And Politics
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two […]
Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk – dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. I’ve spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like […]
Hurricane Story
A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn’t take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat’s owner, Dr. Eskin, and its steward, Benny. Both managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward […]
Strategies For Personal Growth
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. 4. I no longer need […]
1998 Darwin Award Nominees (These Are Not Really Funny!)
In unincorporated Fox Lake, Illinois, 28-year-old Daniel Wyman drowned after he and a companion inadvertently blew a hole in the bottom of their boat with an M-250 firecracker. The M-250 firecracker is the equivalent of one-fourth of a stick of dynamite. Daniel Wyman and his friend threw the firecracker into the water near their 14-foot […]
Quotes From Resumes
Reasons for leaving the last job: – Responsibility makes me nervous. – They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions. – Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches. – I was working for my mom until she decided to […]
Hymns For Speedsters
AT 65 miles/104 kilometers per hour: "God Will Take Care of Me" AT 75 miles/120 kilometers per hour "Guide me, O Great Jehovah" AT 85 miles/140 kilometers per hour "Nearer My God to Thee" AT 95 miles/150 kilometers per hour "Nearer, Still Nearer" AT 105 miles/170 kilometers per hour: "This World Is Not My Home" […]
Doggy Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and […]
For Dog Lovers
Mind Games To Play With Humans 1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your humans bedtime. 2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come […]
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