Humor
For Cat Lovers…
Rules for cats who have a house to run. I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is […]
Careful When You Give An Elephant An Enema!
PADERBORN, GERMANY – Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly — and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing […]
The Family Tree
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very […]
Coworker Descriptions
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching. A room temperature IQ. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together. A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on. […]
Old Age
Signs of Fine Age * You take a metal detector to the beach. * You buy a compass for the dash of your car. * If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants. * You keep repeating yourself. * You discover bifocals are stylish! […]
One-Liners
*Incontinence Hotline…Can you hold, please? *Lysdexia: a peech imspediment we live to learn with… *If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help. *Would the Standing Committee please sit down? *43.3% of statistics are meaningless! *The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 Years. *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. *A.A.A.A.A. – An organization […]
Texas Winds
"Never ask a man where he is from! If a man is from Texas,you won’t have to ask, he’ll tell you! And if he isn’t from Texas, you shouldn’t embarrass him by calling attention to it!" —-Chuck’s Dad A New Yorker traveling through west Texas stopped in the little town of Rankin for lunch. As […]
Sunday School Stories
LATE FOR SUNDAY SCHOOL A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and […]
The Joys Of Parenting
MUSINGS OF A GOOD FATHER ON A BAD DAY "There is nothing sadder than the childless couple. It breaks your heart to see them stretched out, relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, and California, suntanned and miserable on the decks of boats, trotting off to enjoy Europe like fools – with money to spend, time […]
Sectarian Joke
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” He said, “Like what?” I said, “Well…are you religious or […]
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