Humor
Corny!
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A […]
Kindergarten
…Police reinforcements were called to a child minding centre because one of the children was resisting a rest.
Financial Terms Explained
So you can stay current, Financial Terms re-explained CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the […]
Mary…
Antiques enthusiast Mary spent all her free time haunting second-hand shops, flea markets, and other likely spots where she might encounter the odd find: a valuable antique of some sort, whose seller was unaware of its value and was offering it for a low price. On most of her expeditions she came up empty, but […]
Tablets from the Doctor
A man comes home from a doctor’s appointment and tells his wife: “I’ve got terrible news – the doctor says I have to take one tablet a day for the rest of my life!” His wife says: “What’s so terrible about that?” The man replies: “He’s only given me seven!”
John Cleese on Sarah Palin
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jMyNk8J1c8g
Heavy Thinking
HEAVY THINKING… It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking […]
Two Blondes on a Plane
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets […]
Exploding Pumpkins
Exploding Pumpkins: Gourd, What A Mess http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=%2095603520&ps=bb3 All Things Considered, October 10, 2008 ยท Armand Michaud was tending his pumpkin patch when he heard something eerie. “I heard like a pfffff, and I looked around, and I thought ‘What the heck is that?'” he says. Then he saw a 2-foot crack in one of his […]
Good News Bad News
A man receives a phone call from his doctor. *The doctor says, *”I have some good news and some bad news.” *The man says, * “OK, give me the good news first.” *The doctor says, *”The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.” *The man replies, * “Oh no! If that’s the good […]
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