Humor
Ultimate Irish Joke?
Mick and Paddy were walking home from the pub. Mick says to Paddy, ‘I can’t be bothered to walk all that way.’ ‘I know,’ says Paddy, ‘but we’ve no money for a cab and we’ve missed the last bus home.’ ‘We could steal a bus from the depot,’ Mick suggests. They arrive at the bus […]
Diet Rules
1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet coke while eating a Mars bar, the calories in the Mars bar are canceled by the diet coke. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t […]
Girl with a problem
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Carla, she keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Carla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I […]
Word Plays
~ A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.” ~ Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. […]
If My Body Were A Car
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull… but that’s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and […]
Construction Site
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. […]
New Pet
A man walks into a pet shop and says, “I’d like to buy a wasp, please.” “Sorry sir, we don’t sell wasps.” “You’ve got three in the window.” ***** [Sometimes it’s a baker’s or greengrocer’s shop…]
Intelligence Test
Q. What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association. Q. What happens if you play a Country and Western song backwards? A. The singer gets his wife, his house and his job back, his dead dog comes back to life, his pickup truck backs away from the oncoming train and his momma […]
Signs
Signboards and notices can simply indicate the bare facts about their purpose; or sometimes the originator can enliven his with a bit of humour thereby making it more memorable. Some examples Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office: — “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” In a Chiropodists’ clinic — “Time wounds all heels.” On a Septic Tank […]
Why?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money? Why does someone Believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say […]
Categories
Articles may be reproduced in any medium, without applying for permission
(provided they are unedited, and retain the original author/copyright information - and a reference to this website :-)!
26,756 articles online.
Protected by Akismet, Digital Ninjas and an Ion Cannon. Really.
Blog with WordPress