Humor
Email from God
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on. So he called one of his angels and sent the angel to earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.’ […]
Riddles
A man walks out his front door and walks directly south for one mile. Then he turns and walks directly east for one mile. Then he sees a bear and runs directly north for one mile, reaches his front door and gets in just in time. Question is. What color is the bear? x x […]
Anagrams
Hated for ill Adolph Hitler A decimal point A dot in place One hug Enough? The eyes They see The Mona Lisa No hat, a smile The nudist colony No untidy clothes Flit on, cheering angel Florence Nightingale The warm lion (or woman Hitler) Mother in law
Republicans and Light-Bulbs
How many members of the Republican Party does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: TEN… 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed, 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed, 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the […]
Tarzan pun
Extensive research has revealed the ultimate fate of Lord Greystoke, better known as Tarzan. It seems he lost his grip on a slippery creeper whilst swinging through the jungle, and fell to his death. The native tribe who discovered his body gave him their highest honour: they extracted his intestines, dried them in the sun, […]
Pearly Gates
Famous death With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death last week of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote ‘The Hokey Pokey’ died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for […]
The Seniors’ Breakfast Special
The Seniors Breakfast Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns & toast for $1.99. ‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’ ‘Then, I’ll have to charge you two dollars & forty-nine cents because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress […]
Golf
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinse Businessman and a Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Aussie fumed, ‘What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!’ The Indian Doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen […]
Anagrams
“Presbyterian” is an anagram of “Best in prayer” – one that we will never let them know; and “Baptist” is an anagram of TAB Tips – which we should avoid even whispering when the Spring Racing Carnival hits next month. But the most alarming – and possibly incisive – was a clue from yesterday’s Age […]
Olympic Bloopers
1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” 2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.” 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially […]
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