Humor
Frustrated male to his girl
‘What are you? You’re Nothing. You can’t cook and You can’t sew You don’t look like Marilyn Monroe.’ **** ‘Well, I will when I’ve been dead as long as she has.’
Smart
‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this… a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed […]
Beer pun
Beer makes you smart, it made Budweiser.
My doctor
This is the Doctor I want as my primary physician, he answers questions like this: Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not […]
They Walk Among Us
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The check-out-chick rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and […]
Motto for people who move…
“Veni, vidi, velcro” (I came, I saw, I stuck around.)
Irish Daughter
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?” The girl, crying, replied, […]
The Power of Prayer
Tavern The story is told of a man who got a permit to open the first tavern in a small town. The members of a local church were strongly opposed to the bar, so they began to pray that God would intervene. A few days before the tavern was scheduled to open, lightning hit the […]
Speeding Ticket
_Top this for a speeding ticket…_ Two Hunter traffic patrol officers from Newcastle LAC were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the F3 Freeway. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised […]
Neologisms
ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3 . Abdicate […]
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