Humor
Another neologism
Excellent (n). something that was lent and never returned
When Insults Had Style
There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words! The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband, I’d give you poison,” […]
Getting the Brush-off
There stood, in the janitor’s room, A stiff male and soft female broom, And one day they said: “We ought to be wed, As broom-bride and handsome broom groom.” Soon after, she said “Darling hush,” And her voice then in torrents did rush, “I’ve got a surprise, I cannot disguise, We’ll soon have our own […]
Panda
A panda walks into a cafe, orders a roll, eats it, then draws a gun and shoots the floor. “Why?” asks the confused waitress, as the panda heads toward the door. The panda tosses her a poorly punctuated wildlife manual. “I’m a panda; look it up.” “PANDA. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, […]
Optic Nerve
Bet you didn’t know this: Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to your ‘rear end’? It’s called the Anal Optic Nerve. If you don’t believe it, pull a hair from back there and see if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye.
Gone fishing
A man called home to his wife and said, ” Julie love, I have been asked to go fishing up in the Lake District with my boss & several of his friends . We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could […]
Two Brooms
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his […]
The Rep
A National Water Board representative stops at a Devon farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, “I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation”. The old farmer says, “OK, but don’t go in that field over there”. The Water representative says, “Mister, I have the authority of Her Majesty’s […]
The Wall
In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about […]
A.A.A.D.D.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder) This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car, and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail […]
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