Humor
For Tourists to Australia
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour __________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import […]
Quick Check for Alzheimer’s
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it! 1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. […]
New (Senile) Virus
NEW VIRUS Just got this in from a reliable source. It seems there is a virus called the “Senile Virus” that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it, so be warned. The virus appears to affect those of us who were born before 1960! Like Milton and I […]
Nonsense
I was gazing in a newsagent’s window yesterday, at a rack of those funny plaques, and this one struck me as rather unique: “I’ve gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.” For pure rubbish, it seems hard to beat, yet is seems to make “sense” well, grammatically. ================================ […]
Blonde and the Dog
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, ‘I’ve had enough of this’. She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband […]
Funny Sigs
‘Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don’t hit me! ‘
Investment Tips
With the current economic climate it is envisaged that there will be some significant mergers this year. 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush Company and W.R. Grace & Co will merge to become Hale, Mary Fuller, Grace. 2. 3M and Goodyear will form MMMGood 3. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell will become Fairwell […]
Occupation?
A woman, renewing her driver’s license at the County Clerk’s office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. “What I mean is,” explained the recorder, “do you have a job or are you just a……?” “Of course I have a job,” snapped the woman. “I’m […]
Free meal?
Some customers at our restaurant (Boston, MA, USA) try to get a free meal by placing some hair in their food and then blaming the chef and refusing to pay for the meal.) Customer: “Waiter!” Me: “How can I help you, sir?” Customer: “There’s a hair in my food.” Me: “That isn’t possible, unless it […]
You & Me
YOU: When you get angry it’s because you’re ill-tempered. ME: It just happens that my nerves are bothering me. YOU: When you don’t like someone it’s because you’re prejudiced. ME: I just happen to be a good judge of human nature. YOU: When you compliment people it’s because you use flattery to get your way. […]
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