Humor
More one-line lessons of life
a.. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. b.. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it. c.. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. d.. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. […]
You Know You Joined a Cheap New HMO When…
a.. 10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters. b.. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.” c.. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. d.. The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter. e.. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is […]
Marriage
. TODAYS RIDDLE: What do these words have in common: age, blame, curb, dance, evidence, fence, gleam, harm, interest, jam, kiss, latch, motion, nest, order, part, quiz, rest, signal, trust, use, view, win, x-ray, yield, zone? /\ x x x x x Scroll down for the answer x x x x x Here it comes […]
Stupidity
THE STUPID SIGN Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, “I’m Stupid.” That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything. It would be like, “Excuse me…oops…never mind, didn’t see your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and […]
Lessons Cowboys have Learned
Lessons Cowboys have Learned: Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco. a.. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. b.. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. c.. If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back […]
An atheist and a bear
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods; “What majestic trees! What beautiful animals!”, he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. […]
More Pearls of Wisdom drawn from life experiences
a.. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example. b.. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. c.. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a […]
Can’t you just hear it?
“Dear Lord,” the minister said and he began a prayer with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust…” He would have continued, but at that moment a little girl leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly, ” Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?” Church was […]
Wrong choice!
The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their […]
A little grafiti
============================= . A little grafiti ….. . A few years ago I was performing at the Landmark Theater in Richmond, VA and I was backstage in the actor’s men’s room doing my thing. As I was standing there I read a piece of graffiti on the wall that read …..”Jesus Saves”. . Someone had added […]
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