Humor
Boat 99
At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake’s edge and yelled through his megaphone, “Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up.” Several minutes passed, but the boat didn’t return. “Boat number 99,” he again hollered, “return to the dock immediately or I’ll have to charge you overtime.” “Something is wrong here, […]
Woman Driver
A blonde Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried. The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the […]
Boomerang
A most frustrated fellow was the man who bought a new boomerang and had a terrible time throwing the old one away.
Lawyer Vs. Insurance
Lawyer Vs. Insurance This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, N.C., lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made […]
Family
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
Pigs
President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: “Nice pigs, sir.” The President replies: “These are not pigs, these are authentic Texas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for […]
Pills
*Pills* A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, “Take the Big pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the little pink pill with […]
Diagnosis
Thought I’d let my doctor check me, ‘Cause I didn’t feel quite right. . . All those aches and pains annoyed me And I couldn’t sleep at night. He could find no real disorder But he wouldn’t let it rest. What with Medicare and Blue Cross, We would do a couple tests. To the hospital […]
Church Signs
Church signs! There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK – FOR MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized! “No God – No Peace. Know God – Know Peace.” “Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!” “Try our Sundays. They are better […]
For people over 40
“Mark Tindall” wrote in message news:… —– >For people over 40 . . . A computer was something on TV From a science-fiction show of note A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of a goat Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for […]
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