Humor
Words of Wisdom
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take […]
Car Park
A Canadian man and his wife while listening to the radio, heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car. A […]
Wise Words
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them You can’t have everything. Where would you […]
Truthful Gossip
This is a story told to me by my mate, Jimmy “Truthful” Jones, at the Bayview Hotel in Melbourne a couple of years ago. One day at a local minister’s fraternal meeting, the clergy present decided to pray more openly for each other. At one point the Anglican minister confessed of his problem with alcohol. […]
Boots And All
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost […]
Answering Machine Messages (More)
9. “Hello …(3 second pause) … I’m sorry, I can’t hear you; you’ll have to speeak up … (3 second pause) (repeated several times) … oh well, just leave a message then.” 10. (greeting recorded from a 1984 Commodore Amiga computer speech-synthesizer) “If your call is of a personal nature, then leave a message after […]
Temperance
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river." […]
Smart Women
To smart women everywhere! 1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton- 2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica […]
Answering Machine Messages (Another One)
“Hello, please leave a message, or, to reach our complaint department, dial 5012853721521057892157007892085793723557,”
Bloopers From School Essays
Queen Victoria was the longest Queen. Madame Curie discovered radio and Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. The 19th century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he […]
Categories
Articles may be reproduced in any medium, without applying for permission
(provided they are unedited, and retain the original author/copyright information - and a reference to this website :-)!
26,756 articles online.
Protected by Akismet, Digital Ninjas and an Ion Cannon. Really.
Blog with WordPress