Humor
A Third Graders Explanation Of God
Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment to “Explain God.” One of God’s main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn’t make grown-ups, just babies. […]
Shopkeepers Competition
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he […]
Texans
Then there’s the Texan who was bragging to Van der Merwe that his farm was so big that it took four days to drive round the perimeter. To which Van replied, “Ja, man, I also used to have a car like that!”
Money When You Die
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money,and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. […]
Blonde And The Horse
A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the […]
Cars & Computers
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we […]
Month After Christmas Lament
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste As the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than […]
Clean Plates
A young man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned Grandpa, “Are these plates clean?”Grandpa replied, “Those plates […]
Crazy Slogans
Plumbers: “We repair what your husband fixed.” “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” A non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.” A maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.” A tyre shop: “Invite us to your next blowout.” An optometrist’s office: “If you don’t […]
The Old Man And The Hound
An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually […]
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