Humor
Flowers
“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?” Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
There’s A Word For It (More)
Abundance: Big party held in a bakery. (Aiken Drum) Arch Criminal: One who robs shoe stores (Stan Kegel) Absentee: A missing golf peg. (Liguorian) Adventure: A new marketing campaign. (Lars Hanson) Advertisement: What gets people on the brandwagon. (Robert Meyers) Almanac: Annual Manual (Stan Kegel) Amount: Large rock (Jan Hyde) Anger: Barbed ire (Stan Kegel) […]
There’s A Word For It (And Again)
Each year the Washington Post’s Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Reintarnation: Coming […]
Snail’s Ride
Two snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, “Do you guys want a ride on my back”? One of the snails took him up on his offer and off he went. As the turtle reached the intersection another turtle came along and crashed into him. The poor little […]
Real Estate
Top ten things you don’t want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to settlement on your new home: 1. “I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home’s garden.” 2. “Actually, it’s only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground.” 3. “Yes, […]
Good Ol’ Days
Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May (early summer) and still smelled pretty good by […]
A Word For It
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries: 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of […]
The Need For Aged Care?!
SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds […]
Computer-Speak
I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.She asked, “Do I click the square?” I said, “Yes.” She asked me, “Single click or double click?”
Hostess
Long ago, on New York’s lower east side, Mrs. Spinelli and Mrs.Goldberg were bragging about their respective abilities to overfeed dinner guests. With evident pride Mrs. Spinelli says, “When they walk home from my house, they’re all doubled-over.” Without a beat, Mrs. Goldberg answers, “From your house they can walk?”
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