Humor
Who Is The Greatest?
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” The terrified deer stammers, “Oh great lion, […]
Quick Thinking
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. […]
Doctor Said
The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians: ~ By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better. ~ On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. ~ The patient has been depressed […]
How To Get To Heaven
A teacher asked the children in her Sunday School class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat […]
The Points System
(~) The point system man dies and goes to Heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for […]
Bill Gates Vs General Motors
For all who drive cars or use computers: this is too good to pass up For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives: At a recent computer exposition (COMDEX) Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If […]
Hymns Vs Choruses
An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” said the farmer, “it was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns.” “Praise choruses?” said his wife. “What are those?” “Oh, they’re […]
Education And Insight!
It was the end of a tedious & difficult morning with the kindy class. Teacher was helping Bobby put his boot on with much difficulty. No matter how hard she pulled and he pushed – they just were such a tight fit. But eventually they were on and she was glad ‘Teacha… the boots are […]
On The Phone
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll […]
You Just Can’t Trust Anyone
… Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. ‘Ok Roy give […]
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