Humor
A Ride In The Aeroplane
Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Fred and Edna went to […]
Health
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans; on the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British […]
Surprise
One little boy was complaining about the surprise package at his house – a new baby brother: “He’s got my mother’s eyes, my daddy’s forehead, and my room.”
Golf
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was […]
One-Liners
Threw a stinking truckload of money He turned up looking like he stumbled onto the set of a Steven Speilberg movie Self-raising flower Test drive some projects Kick the tyres When I first met Miss Right, I didn’t know that her first name was Always. He looked like the security guard who used to watch […]
Choruses And Hymns
ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHORUSES AND HYMNS A man accustomed to a mainline church went to a seekers’ service one Sunday. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” he said, “it was interesting. They did something different. They sang choruses instead of hymns.” “Choruses?” said his wife. “What are those?” […]
Answering Machine In A Psych Hospital
Hi All… Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 If you are paranoid. We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line […]
My Dad Owns Hell!
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: “That’s nothin’. My dad owns hell.” “No way,” another boy scoffed. “How can a man own hell?” “Sure he can,” the preacher’s son […]
Rules For Writers
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid clich ©s like the plague. (They’re old hat.) 6. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) […]
Space Shuttle And The Width Of A Horse’s Behind
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail […]
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