Humor
Norwegian
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Norwegian sausage. The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Norwegian?” The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? […]
Quotations From Women About Women
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. [Helen Hayes, at 73] I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. Janette Barber] Whoever thought up the word “Mammogram”? Every time I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope […]
Army Of Women
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause – train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna – drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. […]
A Laugh A Day
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Preacher,” said the young man, “I’m sorry about the delay. […]
Terrible Pickup Lines
Man: “So what do you do for a living?” Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.” Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the Venereal Disease Clinic.” Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man: “Is this seat empty?” Woman: “Yes, and this one […]
Teethbrush
=–= Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that […]
Beautiful Woman
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Tendjewberrymud
A telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review….. Room Service: “Morny. Ruin sorbees” Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service” RS : “Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??” Guest: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and eggs” RS: “Ow […]
Owner’s Guide For Cats
Owner’s Guide For Cats Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human house-trained in no time. CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing […]
Beer-Drinking
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I […]
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