Humor
Speeding?
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops […]
How To Impress A Woman
Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends […]
All Aboard
“I saw your husband at the amusement park, and he’d been drinking again.” “How could you tell?” “He got off the roller coaster, staggering and dizzy and sick, and said to the fellow next to him, ‘Something tells me I took the wrong bus.’ “
Who Put The Dot?
(Apologies to Barry Mann) I’d like to shake hands with, The guy who built the bandwidth, That lets my remote baby surf to me. Who put the dot in the bit shabop dot com? Who put the RAM on the mega-ramma mamma-board? Who put the POP on the LAN/WAN stop? Who put the click in […]
Endearing Names
A couple was invited to dinner by their elderly neighbors. The old gentleman endearingly preceded every request to his wife with ‘Honey’, ‘Darling’, ‘Sweetheart’, ‘Pumpkin’, etc.. The neighbors were impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the neighbor said to the gentleman, “I think […]
Little Emily
Little Emily, the minister’s daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. “What’s wrong, dear?” asked the pastor. “My doll! Billy broke it!” she sobbed. “How did he break it, Emily?” “I hit him over the head with it.” — Cited on http://www.sermons.com
Election Winner
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. “Ma,” he shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!” “Honestly?” The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw hell, […]
Playing Church
A man came home and saw his children along with a group of the neighbourhood children gathered around the front steps. He asked what it was they were doing. “We’re playing church.” one said. The puzzled Father inquired further and was told, “Well, we’ve already sung, prayed and listened to the sermon. Now, we’re all […]
Surgery (Pun)
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon’s hand and says, “I’m not going to let you do that! I’ll close my own incision!” […]
Going To Church
Son: “Dad, did you go to Church when you were a little boy ?” Dad: “Yes son, every single Sunday.” Son: “Thought so. Bet it won’t do me any good either.”
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