Humor
Cross Nun
Two nuns where driving down the road in Transylvania and a Werewolf jumped on the hood. The old nun said; “I’ee look at that ugly thing, shake the car and knock him off.” The young nun turned the wheel from side to side but he didn’t fall off. “Slam on the brakes, surely that ‘ill […]
Nothing
Nothing is better than eternal happiness. A ham sandwich is better than nothing. By transitivity, it follows that a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
Betting On The Horses
A young man was trying to explain the mysteries of horse racing to a young woman. He said, “If you back a horse for five pounds at five to one, you win twenty five pounds. If you back it at ten to one, you get fifty pounds. And if you back it at twenty to […]
How Many Of These Do You Remember?
1. Metal ice trays with levers 2. Telephone party lines 3. 45 RPM records 4. Soda machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Tableside jukeboxes in coffee shops 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Butch wax 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. The unholy trinity: Hitler, Mussolini and Franco 10. Eisenhower, […]
The Driver
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. “What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman. “Well, I guess I’m going to get a drivers license”, he answered. “Oh, don’t listen to him,” said a woman in the passenger seat, […]
Cross-Eyed Dog
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes. “Hmm,” says the vet, “I’m going to have to put […]
Three Lovers
A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, […]
Hard Day’s Work
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?” “It was terrible,” […]
Armies And Lightbulbs
Q: How many armies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to finish off and claim credit for the whole thing, and […]
Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. One night, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am the next morning for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he […]
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