A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: “We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a […]
Received from Poor Innocent Guy Bernard of Sennett, New York: Church Message Boards You are not too bad to come in; You are not too good to stay out. Come in and have your faith lifted. Come in and let us prepare you for your finals. A miser is a rich pauper. Ask about our […]
A Man goes to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy that Clinton isn’t the President. The man goes away. The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy that Clinton is […]
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began […]
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. “Wow…that looks deep.” “Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.” They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise. “Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these […]
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he’d enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, “You know, it’s been over five years since I first came in here.” “You’ll have to wait your […]
I’ve been told that a way to achieve inner peace is to finish things I have started. Today I finished 2 bags of potato chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman”. “Oh yeah”, said Eddie. “And how did this one end”? “When it was over”, Harvey replied. “She came crawling to me on her hands and knees”. “Really? Now that’s a switch! […]
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. “What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?” he demanded to know. “Half the audience walked out before I […]
During the Persian Gulf War, my Marine Corps unit had to dig foxholes every time we changed positions. Once, when a private was making his trench, he complained to our sergeant, “Why do we have to do this stupid digging?” Then there was a loud exlosion a hundred feet away. “What was that?” asked the […]