Humor
Adam And Eve
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve, and the first thing He said to them was, “Don’t.” “Don’t what?’ Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said. […]
How To Speak About Men And Be Politically Correct
1. He does not have a BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. 2. He is not a BAD DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. 4. He is not BALDING – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. 5. […]
‘Twas The Month After Christmas
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste; All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk […]
Divorce Court
“Mr. Parsons, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $275 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honour,” the husband said. “And just to show there’s no hard feelings – every now and then I’ll try to send a few bucks myself.”
Palm-Reader
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table. Said the mysterious old woman, “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.” Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, “I […]
Painted Toilet Seat
A man decides to take the opportunity while, his wife is away for the week, to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, rushes to the toilet, and sits on the freshly painted seat, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her […]
Health Tips
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone. Give VIZ and other comics that ‘Pulp Fiction’ feel by reading the last […]
Daisy
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in her hand. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?” Man: “Oh […]
Prayers From The Children Of God
Enjoy these delightful prayers from kids–who tell it like it is! “In Sunday school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?” (Jane) “I read the Bible. What does ‘begat’ mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison.” “Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?” (Lucy) “Is […]
Opposites Attract
“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common.” said the new tenant’s neighbour. “Why on earth did you get married?” “I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract'” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”
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