Humor
Good Impression
A young doctor was just setting up his first office when his secretary told him there was a man to see him. The doctor wanted to make a good first impression by having the man think he was successful and very busy. He told his secretary to show the man in. At that moment, the […]
Beetles
As background to this joke, know that there is a simply enormous number of distinct species of beetle: well over 300,000; and you need to know of the famous quip by J.B.S. Haldane. When asked “What has the study of biology taught you about the Creator, Dr. Haldane?”, he replied “I’m not sure, but He […]
Harmful Foods
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the […]
Fire Drill
When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. “Pull the pin like a hand grenade,” he explained, “then depress the trigger to release the foam.” Later a blonde employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking […]
Golf Stories
Vacationing Golfer —————— A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play. On the first tee, the golfer mis-hit his shot, and it dribbled forward […]
Stress Relievers
================ 1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time. 2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa. 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 4. When someone says “Have a nice day,” tell them you have other plans. 5. […]
Pope And Rabbi Phone Calls
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope’s private chambers. “What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff. “It’s my direct line to the Lord!” The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The […]
Profit
“Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?” a parishioner asked his minister. “Definitely not,” was the preacher’s answer. “Are you absolutely certain?” “Yes, my son, absolutely.” “Okay. In that case, I wonder if you’d mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?”
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen’s beautiful solo: “It is Well With My Solo.” If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: […]
The Right Tool For The Right Job
An old man seated in the doctor’s waiting room, when called in to see the doctor, slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. After only a few minutes, the man emerged from the room, walking completely upright! A patient who had watched him hobble […]
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