Humor
Caramel
During one of the tensest moments of a murder movie, an elderly gentleman groped for something on the theatre floor. He was greatly disturbing the lady in the next seat, to the point where she finally inquired testily, “What have you lost?” “A caramel,” said the man. “You’re going to all this bother for a […]
How Long To Live
“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news”, the doctor told his anxious patient, “You only have six months to live.” The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time.” “OK”, […]
Tickets For The Game
The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I’ve gotten three tickets for the big game.” “Why do we need three ?” asked the girl. “They’re for your Father, Mother, and kid sister.” he replied.
Psych Ward
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society. “So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once […]
Handyman
A man walks into a building site’s foreman’s office. He says “The sign outside says you need a handyman.” “That’s right,” says the foreman. “Can you lay bricks?” “No, I can’t do that.” “Can you mix concrete?” “No, never done that.” “Know any plumbing?” “Not really.” “Are you an electrician?” “No.” “Well,” says the puzzled […]
Lantern
Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, ” says the genie. The American says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son […]
Communion
In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the “children’s sermon”, the minister was talking about Communion and what it is all about. “The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a ‘joyful feast’. What does that mean? Well, ‘joyful’ means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a ‘joyful feast’ is a […]
Saudi Law
Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. “Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?” said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of […]
Contemporary Version Of 1 Corinthians 13
A Contemporary Version Of 1 Corinthians 13 (What might Paul have said in 2001?) If I speak with the confidence of Rush Limbaugh and sing with the ease of Celine Dion but don’t have love, my words are like scraping fingernails on a frozen windshield. If I can program NASA’s mainframe computer and outsmart my […]
Computers: Male Or Female ?
MALE OR FEMALE A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. “House,” in French is feminine – “la maison.” “Pencil,” in French is masculine – “le crayon.” One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?” The teacher did not know, […]
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