Humor
Who Wants To Live To 100?
When my grandmother was in her late nineties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints — this hurts, that’s stiff, I’m tireder and slower, […]
Kitchen Signs
Signs Found In Kitchens 1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious. 2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 4. If we are what we eat, […]
Marriage And Prison
Suspended Sentence One night a wife woke up to notice that her husband was missing. Then she heard someone sobbing downstairs in the kitchen. It turned out to be her husband. She asked him why he was crying, and he said, “Remember that one night when your dad caught us . . . you know.” […]
Lite Bulb Theology
—————————————————————————- —- In order to encourage greater understanding and therefore cooperation among the diverse church body, a survey has been taken to answer the following theological question: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway. How many Calvinists does it take to […]
Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by DAVE BARRY 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word […]
Poisonous Snakes
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?” The other replied, “You’re darn right we’re poisonous! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?” To which the first replied, “Because I just bit my tongue.”
Exercise Is Good For You!
Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge. 1) Beating around the bush 2) […]
Taxi Driver
A clergy dies and, resplendent in clerical collar and colorful robes, is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you […]
Defender
=-=-=-=- The lady lawyer approached the jury box and began an eloquent plea for her client: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about this man. There’s so much to say that is good: he never beat his mother; he was always kind to little children; he never did a dishonest […]
Wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, “Lord grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you […]
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