Humor
An Atheist And The Loch Ness Monster
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! […]
Actual Bumper Stickers
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.I love cats … they taste just like chicken.Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.Cover me. I’m changing lanes.As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let […]
When The Roll Is Called Up Yonder…
Essene Essence Archeology, that ancient science of antiquities (or is it the antiquated science of ancients), received much favorable press with the Indiana Jones sagas. Usually, though, archeology is more quiet than that. One exception to this quiet occurred a few years ago in the Middle East when a new cache of ancient written material […]
Accident Report
This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is the bricklayer’s report, a true story. Had this guy died, he’d have walked away with a Darwin Award for sure!Dear Sir:I am writing in response to your request for additional information In Block […]
Best Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
From: “Hexengon” <> Subject: Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk Date: Sat, 29 May 1999 11:10:45 -0700 Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” 2. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in […]
‘Tis The Season – Swimsuit Time
I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume. When I was a child in the 1950’s, the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure – boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as […]
50 Fun Things To Do In A Mall
by Alan Miss Note: Any resemblance of names in this article to actual large powerful corporations capable of destroying mere mortal humans like sparrows in a jet turbine is, um, pure coincidence. Really. 1.Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2.Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if […]
How To Pray
On the subject of attitudes for prayer… this does not answer the question, but makes a very sensible peripheral point, and should also raise a smile or two.. “The proper way for a man to pray,” Said Deacon Lemuel Keys. “The only proper attitude Is down upon your knees.” “No, I should say, the way […]
Very Handy
During the final exam, the professor noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the professor no other choice than to interrogate the student’s test-taking habit. “Mr. Walters,” the professor began. “Is there something interesting written on your […]
Hard Questions
Since wool shrinks in a cold wash, why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? If a person with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, should it be considered a hostage situation? If a person with multiple personalities visits a shrink….will they get a group discount? If one synchronise swimmer drowns, do all the rest drown […]
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