Humor
Ma And Pa
Ma & Pa were on the porch & Pa said, " You know, Ma, I’d sure like a big bowl of ice cream." "OK, Pa", she said, as she shuffled off toward the kitchen. "Write it down," he said, "…you’ll forget" "Oh, Pa, don’t be silly" "Write it down" he said, "cause I want some […]
Today’s Deep Thought
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I […]
Women Drivers
A cop pulls an old lady over for going 22 miles per hour on the freeway. The lady says to the cop "but the speed limit said 22" The cop explains to her "that is the highway number" He then looks in the backseat to see two shaken old ladies and asks what is the […]
Gone Shopping
Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "Don’t worry, lady," he said. "I’ll pack some more trays and have them […]
Birthday Gift
For my birthday this year, my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the Chess Team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made the reservations with […]
On Marriage: One-Liners
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. — Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — George Burns What’s […]
And It Was So
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than […]
Signs That You’ve Had Too Much Of The 90’s
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven’t played patience with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy going down the […]
Computer Gender?
A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group […]
What Do Australia & America Have In Common?
America has Bill Clinton, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, & Stevie Wonder… Australia has John Howard, no hope, no cash, & no wonder.
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