Humor
Animal Crackers Joke For The Day
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. […]
Dumb Crook Joke For The Day
KISSING FREEDOM GOOD-BYE Newport News, Virginia—Criminals are routinely nabbed because they leave fingerprints or stray DNA behind at the scene. A peeping Tom suspect in Virginia left lip prints. Police arrested Robert N. Smith, 41, on Tuesday for allegedly peeping into apartments after the state forensic crime laboratory was able to match his lip print […]
Grandma And Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and […]
Thoughts
25 Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis! Indecision is the key to flexibility. You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track. There is absolutely no substitute for genuine lack of preparation. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Sometimes too much […]
Are Computers Male Or Female
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being Female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She’s listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced That computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow: Five reasons to believe computers are […]
Performance Evaluations
Received from Smart Lady of the House Mary Jo of Moorcroft, Wyoming: These Quotes were taken from actual Federal employee performance evaluations: "I would not allow this employee to breed" "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t-be." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like […]
Bloopers
Hope you all enjoy these they’re quite funny. =) God bless you all!! Actual Church Bullitins 1. Don’t let worry kill you – Let the church help. 2. Thursday night—potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4. For those of you […]
Romance, Country Folk Style
Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue, And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like yew. Yore hair is lak cornsilk, a-flappin’ in da breeze. Softer dan Blue’s, and without all dem fleas. Yew move lak da bass, which excite me in May. Yew ain’t got no scales, but I luv you […]
True (Married) Love
FOR MARRIED COUPLES ONLY!!! HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, […]
Marriage Program
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization […]
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